


Kiss me till the sun comes

by MonitorofNothing



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Issues, First Kiss, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21846061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonitorofNothing/pseuds/MonitorofNothing
Summary: Sometimes holidays can be hard, for so many reasons. And sometimes there are still ways of being ok within all that.Set during Ada's first year as headmistress.
Relationships: Ada Cackle/Hecate Hardbroom
Comments: 14
Kudos: 60
Collections: The Worst Witch Winter Warmers 2019





	Kiss me till the sun comes

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: Absence, Lights, Winter Solstice.
> 
> Title from Siobhan Wilson's Ta Petite Minette.

Hecate hunched herself on the window seat and pulled the darkness around her like a blanket. It was just after midnight at the Winter Solstice, the darkest night of the year, and she was alone in the echoing vastness of the castle, staring out at the sky. 

She had been looking at the moon, which was full and bright and seemed impossibly high and far away, but it had retreated behind a bank of clouds and now she could see nothing at all.

She had to remind herself that she had been looking forward to tonight. She loved the Winter Solstice almost as much as Halloween and this year she had decided to spend it all alone so that she could revel in the deeper meaning behind it all without getting distracted by critical family or drunken friends. She had let down her hair, put on her new dress and her best cloak, taken off her boots. She had got as far as extinguishing every light in the building and arranging the candles in a circle on the hearth. But she somehow hadn't found the heart to light them. She had been longing all term for this moment, for some blissful solitude and the deep gladness that came with making fire to bring back the sun.

But that had been before the end of term party three days ago, when she had danced with Ada, plucked up all her courage and almost kissed Ada, and Ada had looked stricken and pulled back and stepped away from her, leaving Hecate standing frozen in shame. _Hecate, I can't,_ Ada had said, _It's too complicated. I just... we work together, we live together... I don't want to make things awkward._ And Hecate had ducked her head and murmured _of course,_ and tried to look as if her heart weren't breaking into tiny pieces.

Ada had left early the next morning without saying goodbye. And now, far from enjoying the longed-for solitude, Hecate was feeling Ada's absence as a physical pain in her chest. She was heavy with lethargy, not really feeling able to move anything except her fingers, which were twisting and twisting at the chain of her timepiece until ridges appeared in her skin.

 _There will be no sunrise tomorrow if you do not perform the ritual,_ said her grandmother's voice in her head. In daylight Hecate would have known this was just superstition. And anyway other people all over the hemisphere were lighting the candles tonight. One person failing to do so would make no difference. But the darkness was so all-encompassing that she more than half believed it really might go on forever unless she stirred herself to conquer it.

She just couldn't summon up the willpower. She hugged the dark to her, wanting to dissolve and disappear inside it so that nobody could ever look at her again. Not even Ada. _Especially_ not Ada, with her big reproachful blue eyes that had looked so troubled as she backed away.

For the hundredth time since the party, Hecate wondered whether she ought to hand in her resignation. Surely trying to kiss your employer was unforgivable? And how was she supposed to face Ada again after this? Desolate as Hecate felt without her, how was she supposed to sit beside Ada at breakfast, calmly stand at her shoulder for morning assembly, sit up with her late into the night puzzling over piles of impenetrable paperwork, when Ada knew how she felt and didn't feel the same way? 

But perhaps Ada didn't know. Perhaps she hadn't guessed just how deep Hecate's feelings ran. Perhaps she just thought Hecate had had a moment of madness after a few too many drinks. Maybe it could all be forgotten and they could make a new start in the new year and go back to trying to figure out how to run this school on their own.

Maybe it could all be forgotten by Ada, anyway. Hecate didn't think she could ever let go the memory of Ada holding out a hand to pull her into the dance, the way she had smiled up at Hecate just before that almost-kiss, the way they had seemed to be dancing closer together than anyone around them...

A sound came from the room behind her. Morgana must have come in from her night's hunting. But then there was the bump of someone walking into something, followed by a very uncatlike curse.

_"Ada?"_

"Hecate? Why haven't you lit the candles? Where are you? I can't see anything."

In all her fretting about her next encounter with Ada she had never imagined that she might find her wandering here inside the darkness, that Ada might come to join her at a time and place where they didn't have to look each other in the eye. Hecate didn't cope well with the unexpected, as a rule. But Ada's startling presence here in the dark somehow seemed a lot more manageable than any of the awkward potential meetings she had conjured up over the last couple of days.

"Here. I'm here." Hecate took a few steps forward and reached out in the dark. Her hand connected with Ada's shoulder. She ran her fingers lightly down the sleeve until she found Ada's wrist. _I'm only doing this to guide her across the floor,_ she told herself. _It doesn't mean anything. Nothing at all._ She pulled Ada safely back to the window and they stood looking out together, although all they could see was a faint silvering where the clouds had thinned a little over the moon. She could dimly see Ada now, though she couldn't make out her expression. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"There was a fight," Ada said in a small voice. Hecate's stomach clenched. She squinted anxiously in the gloom, trying to make sure Ada was all in one piece.

"Are you hurt?"

"No! No, it wasn't a duel. But mother kept nagging and nagging at Agatha, and then they were screaming at each other and then Agatha stormed out." Ada leaned her head back against the wall. "And mother wouldn't stop going _on_ about it and then she moved onto being passive aggressive about the changes we've made here since she retired and I... I just couldn't take it any more. Any of it. It was all so much worse than usual. I think they're both struggling to adjust to my taking over the school."

"That's not your fault," Hecate interrupted. Ada had an unfortunate habit of being far too kind and understanding towards people who were hurting her. Between them, her mother and sister had spoiled her holiday and somehow driven her from the house, and Hecate wasn't going to stand by and listen to Ada making excuses for them.

But for once Ada seemed to agree with her.

"No. It's not my fault. So…" She took a shuddering breath. "So I told her it was up to me to make my own decisions now. And that I didn't want to spend my holiday in a hostile environment. And then I left."

Ada sounded determined to be matter of fact but there was a catch in her voice that tugged at Hecate's heart so that she couldn't help reaching out and putting a hand on Ada's shoulder, ready to whisk it away again instantly if Ada showed any sign of recoiling.

Ada gave a little sigh and moved closer, pulling Hecate into a hug.

It wasn't the first time she'd been in Ada's arms. Ada tended to greet her with a hug whenever one of them had been away, and there had been the occasional stressful day when they had briefly, wordlessly held each other when the crisis was over. But until now, they had always let go again.

"I'm sorry I've barged in on your night," Ada said against her shoulder. "I didn't want to disturb you. But I just needed to come home."

 _Home,_ thought Hecate, her heart leaping treacherously at the word. _She just means the castle. The school. She doesn't mean me._

"It's alright," she murmured, trying to soothe herself as much as Ada. "You didn't disturb anything." She wondered why Ada wasn't letting go. Hecate knew that she wasn't vastly experienced in the politics of hugging but she was pretty sure that holding on for this length of time was a little unusual. But if this was what Ada wanted she wasn't going to be the one to break it up.

With Hecate barefoot and Ada in shoes they were much closer in height. Hecate closed her eyes and gave in to the temptation to let her cheek rest against Ada's, feeling a swell of compassion as she found it wet with tears.

Ada wasn't sobbing, just silently letting the tears fall and leaning against Hecate as though the weight of being herself were just too much to bear for now.

Hecate held her carefully, keeping her hands very still on Ada's back. She was trying very hard to give Ada whatever she needed in this moment without taking anything for herself, not the smell of Ada's hair, not her arms around Hecate's waist, nor the intoxicating feeling of Ada's chest rising and falling against her own. She couldn't let herself want any of this, or anything more.

But there was so much more that she _did_ want. It would be so easy right now, to turn her head just a little and find Ada's lips. And she knew she wouldn't do it, knew that after being rejected once she could never, ever make that move again.

And then Ada made it for her. She turned so that her mouth met Hecate's, soft and hesitant, only just touching. Neither of them moved any further and the moment seemed to stretch out for a long time in the stillness and the dark. Ada must have been holding her breath because she let it out in a shaky sigh that ghosted over Hecate's lips. Hecate found herself making a tiny sound of want, and curling her fingers around a fistful of Ada's jumper. And suddenly Ada was kissing her, _really_ kissing her, and her hands were in Hecate's hair and her weight was shifting so that she wasn't using Hecate for support any more but pushing against her and dragging her closer and holding her so tightly that Hecate was finally forced to believe that yes, this was really happening.

And if it was real, she had to stop it. It wasn't allowed, she knew that this time, and she wasn't going to take advantage of Ada's temporary vulnerability. So against all her instincts, she moved her hands to Ada's shoulders and gently pushed her away. They stilled again for a while, Ada not moving or speaking, Hecate so overwhelmed that she was unable to make herself open her eyes or let go of Ada's shoulders. 

"... Hecate?" said Ada eventually.

Hecate's eyes flew open and she saw that the clouds had dispersed and Ada was all silvery with moonlight, gazing at her in concern. She dropped her hands as though Ada had burned her and they fell to her sides so fast that they slapped against her dress.

"Ada, you mustn't- you don't have to…" She was still finding it hard to catch her breath after the kiss and her thoughts were fluttering like a cloud of moths, all just out of reach.

"I'm sorry Hecate. I thought you wanted-"

Hecate spoke before she could think.

"-I _do._ " She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "But you said you didn't."

Ada's voice was very quiet. 

"I never said I didn't want you, Hecate. I said I didn't want to complicate things between us. I'm sorry, I don't think I handled that conversation very well. You took me by surprise and I panicked. But I thought about it a lot when I was away. And it feels like… Well, things are _already_ complicated, aren't they? They have been for a while now, for... for both of us, I think?" 

_"Yes,"_ whispered Hecate. She hardly dared breathe. Every particle of her being was tensed and focused towards whatever Ada was going to say next.

"So I thought well, maybe we should make a choice. Maybe we should choose complicated and happy over complicated and lonely…"

"...So you came home," whispered Hecate. _She did mean me, after all,_ she thought giddily. _She wanted to be with me._

"So I came home." Ada reached forward and took both Hecate's hands in her own. "Was that the right choice, Hecate?"

For answer, Hecate laced their fingers together then let herself close the distance and kiss Ada the way she had wanted to at the dance, slow and gentle at first and then building to an intensity that surprised and delighted them both.

"...Yes," she said unnecessarily when they broke apart, making Ada giggle.

"There's nobody I'd rather spend tonight with," Ada said, smiling up at her. "And... that goes for all the other nights too, if I'm honest…"

 _I love you,_ Hecate wanted to say, but couldn't, quite. It was all too big and too new, and she was too flustered by the thought of Ada wanting to spend their nights together. 

So instead she tightened her hold on Ada's hands and said "Will you light the candles with me?"

 _"Oh!"_ said Ada. "Are you sure? I know how important it was to you to do that by yourself this year…"

"I know you do," Hecate said softly. "That's why I want you to share it with me."

She led the way to the ring of candles on the hearth, each standing tall in its own little wreath of woven greenery. There was ivy winding between the wreaths, binding them all together in a pattern as intricate as the web of spells Hecate had set through and around the ring. Spells of protection and peace and prosperity, hope-filled blessings that would awaken and enfold whoever lit the candles.

Ada slipped off her shoes and they knelt before the makeshift altar. Ada picked up the long wax taper Hecate had left in the fireplace and held it out.

"Would you like to make the light?"

Hecate closed her eyes and thought of the sun. She sent magic questing through her memories, searching out fiery warmth and blue skies and gentle days, the scent of roses and the fierce, fresh green of new leaves. She thought of Ada too, she couldn't help it. Ada and the sun had a lot in common.

A tiny spark kindled at her index fingertip and grew into a bright flame. She held her finger to the wick of the taper to transfer it and then moved her hand down to the other end and wrapped her fingers around Ada's. Together they touched the flame to candle after candle, watching it leap and dance as it spread and multiplied.

Hecate's heart seemed to be dancing with the flames as she sang the old words of the Winter Solstice ritual.

_The wheel of the year has turned once more,_

_and the nights have grown longer and colder._

The contrast between the long cold dark of her evening and this wonderful shining moment with Ada suddenly threatened to overwhelm her. Hecate felt tears welling in her eyes and her voice faltered with emotion. Ada put her free hand on Hecate's hip and left it there as she added her own clear, steady voice to the chant to keep it going.

_Tonight, the darkness begins to retreat,_

_and light begins its return once again._

_As the wheel continues to spin,_

_the sun returns to us once more._

Every movement, every word was perfectly synchronised and as they came to the end of the ritual and Hecate's spells rose to surround them like a fine golden mist, she thought that it had never meant so much to her as it did this year, never felt so powerful or so true.

Ada's head was on her shoulder now and they nestled together in happy silence, both gazing into the flames. 

Hecate didn't want to spoil the moment but she was getting a cramp in her leg from kneeling so long. She was trying to make herself say so when Ada yawned and sat up and said "Shall we make ourselves a little more comfortable?"

Hecate stretched her legs gratefully, expecting that they would return to the window seat to see out the rest of the night. But Ada started conjuring a heap of cushions and blankets and arranging them on the floor in front of the hearth. Hecate swallowed as Ada settled herself into the nest she had made and patted the space beside her expectantly. This seemed to be moving a bit too fast.

"I just wanted to hold you," said Ada, correctly interpreting her worried expression. "... Is that ok?"

Hecate nodded and relaxed enough to let herself smile before dropping back to her knees. She carefully curled her body against and around Ada's and let out a long breath at the warmth and softness she encountered.

It wasn't that she didn't want to go any further. But there would be time enough for that on all the other nights of the year. For now it was enough just to hold each other and drink in the light they had made together.

So they talked and kissed as the candles burned down, until finally they fell asleep in each other's arms, safe in the knowledge that the sun would rise, and the spring would come again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to heathtrash for reassuring me that this slightly less fluffy fic still had a place in the winter warmers collection.
> 
> Apologies to anyone who properly celebrates the winter solstice. I have mostly made up Hecate's ritual to fit in with the story. The chant came from learnreligions.com
> 
> Falling asleep next to a bunch of lighted candles and bits of tree sounds super romantic but please don't try this at home because fire safety :)


End file.
